Okay, I really need to start writing again. I've been falling asleep so late because I just keep thinking about random nothingness.

I am finally employed again. After a bit of harassing, I got a job as a server at Boston Pizza. I should have done this a long time ago. It's kind of embarrassing because last night I got trained by this little boy in grade 10 who hasn't hit puberty yet and reminded me of my brother. Then tonight Roberta trained me as a hostess and I used to be her manager. I'm kind of realizing now how young I look because everyone at work assumes that this is my first job and I'm young. Then on top of all that, I have to grin and bear the awkwardness of "uh, how do you say your name? Shu-vaughn? Serious? I thought it was Sio-bahn." Yeah, I get that all the time. So then to top it off, Craig, the man that fired me from McDonald's, was seated behind the host station and staring at me while I had to walk past him 3259810 times.

I got around to having an allergy test yesterday and wow. Okay, so I had to lie there on my stomach shirtless while the nurse put 40 dots along my spine all the while telling me this is for animals, dust, pollen, etc. then pricks me over and over again then I get to lie there for 20 minutes while my back is burning and itching up a storm to then hear her exclaim "oh look at you lit up like a christmas tree!" so I am allergic to all inhalants. I am one of those sad, weird kids allergic to everything. Dust, pollen, grass, trees, dogs, cats, feathers, life, etc. Now I have the pleasure of getting injections twice a week for four months, then once a month for two years. I don't get it. I have bad ears, eyes, chimpmunk cheeks, a baby face, etc. I need to have at least ONE thing going for me. Right?

and to this day when everything breaks, you are the anchor that holds me

I won my settlement! They're mailing a check out tomorrow. I have yet to find a job though.

Stars - My Favourite Book

I haven't had much to update about lately. I finally finished my semester and my exams were pretty rough. I somehow mixed up my first exam because two of my courses had the same course code. So I was thinking it was my psych class when really it was my politics. I felt like a complete idiot. Luckily, it was sort of like my midterm. The essays were mostly about comparing conservatism and liberalism. I headed home to see Kris with a bunch of junk food from my meal card. My parents had gone to California to sort out their relationship or something leaving me to take care of John during exams. Kris has been really great and I love spending time with him. It just all feels really natural.

I slept in for my next exam and by the time I got there it was almost 10am. I figured I wouldn't be able to write the exam anyway, so I tried getting Radiohead tickets in the SLC. I had my account info typed in and the page ready to go so I kept refreshing it because it was literally 9:59. Then I got a message saying my account had been suspended. By the time it was lifted five minutes later they were all sold out. I was really crushed. Radiohead is Kris' all time favourite band, like words can't describe. I walked dejectedly over to the gym where I had to talk to the big scary proctor so that I could write the exam at 4. It was for sociology of poverty and it was the worst exam I've ever written in my life. There was no possible way that I could have studied for it (I didn't even bother) because it was mostly all stats and figures. It was the dumbest thing ever.

Then I got the call from the lady at the labour board. It stirred up all these emotions that I had been trying to get over (see the last post) and so for the last little while I've been trying to get statements from people. I sent an email explaining what was going on to about 50 people that I used to work with:

Hey former employees of McDonald's ;)

So last month I was fired for letting a former employee in the back of wal-mart for literally 5 minutes. I was expecting to get written up or maybe even suspended because I hadn't been in any kind of trouble before. But apparently "it was the biggest breech of policy that I could have committed and they had no choice but to let me go". It's pretty ridiculous because tons of crew and managers have done far worse and gotten away with it, as you well know. The labour board is investigating it and they want me to try to get statements from former crew/managers saying they've witnessed a manager let a non-employee or former crew behind the counter and received no discipline. It doesn't matter if they're still working there now or not, the point is that they aren't being consistent with their policies. If you can remember anything and you'd be willing to write a short statement for me, I would appreciate it so much. Please let me know! And I'd imagine the statement should look something like this:


I, ______, was an employee of Alpine McDonald's from ___ to ___ and I witnessed _____ doing ...

Thanks guys! :)

I have about ten statements so far and there's more people saying they'll write it but haven't gotten around to it. The more the better.

I could see the road ahead of me. I was poor and I was going to stay poor. But I didn't particularly want money. I didn't know what I wanted. Yes, I did. I wanted someplace to hide out, someplace where one didn't have to do anything. The thought of being something didn't only appall me, it sickened me. The thought of being a lawyer or a councilman or engineer, anything like that, seemed impossible to me. To get married, to have children, to get trapped in the family structure. To go someplace to work every day and to return. It was impossible. To do things, simple things, to be part of family picnics, Christmas, the 4th of July, Labour Day, Mother's Day . . . was a man born just to endure those things and then die? I would rather be a dishwasher, return alone to a tiny room and drink myself to sleep.

Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

enjoy yourself, take only what you need from it

When will McDonald's stop haunting me? For serious.

The labour board got back to me today and Marion basically said she can't do anything about my lost raises because 'at least they were paying me minimum wage'. WTF. I know for a fact that every other manager except me got their raise after their performance review. And I waited. For 2 months. And they didn't care.

Now I have to do this:
- who terminated you / date / time / what was said / was there a witness (if so who? and will they give a statement?) / how did you calculate the what you state is owed?

If you were given a termination letter - I need a copy of that letter.

Do you have any witnesses that other managers allowed previous employee's behind the counter and were not reprimanded because of it - if so - I need a statement from them.

Ha! So I have to ask my friends to rat themselves out for me? Good luck with that. I mean I know if a bunch of managers came forward she couldn't very well fire them all but that's not going to happen. Um Nicole let her boyfriend (who was on coke) come to the back the other night. Oh, and did I mention he was a previous employee who got fired for stealing a customer's credit card!

Amy, the one who's boyfriend is responsible for all this, apparently feels "really bad about it all". Oh really? Come and fucking say that to my face. If you think you're mature enough to be ENGAGED while living with your fucking douche bag boyfriend and mother (and co-worker) then you should damn well be mature enough to talk to me about it. It's been a fucking month and I haven't spoken to you but I hear it from everybody how fucking sorry you feel. I bet you'd feel sorry if I reported that you gave out your manager's code to Kris while you could smoke in the bathroom. Health violation much? The store can be shut down in a second for that. Some friend you are.

Oh, and Sylvia, the one who yelled at me and reported it to the head manager, has let crew get HIGH during night shift. AND she's had parties with other managers and crew with special brownies. I love how you're an assistant manager.

But yes, I have almost come to terms that letting an ex-crew come sit in the back for five minutes is the biggest breech of policy I could have committed. ALMOST.

This song is the only thing making me feel better. I've been playing it on repeat all day.

MGMT - Kids

slow down lately lives are moving too fast

A lot has happened since I last updated.

For starters, I got fired. It was a really shitty situation that got hugely blown out of proportion. Basically, in a nut shell, it was because I let my crew watch a movie on my laptop during their break and let this girl we used to work with behind the counter for five minutes. Yep. After four and a half years. I filed a compliant with the labour board because the least they can do is pay me my raises that I didn't get. I felt really frustrated and defeated for a while but I know it's for the best.

It's the end of term, the most stressful time of the year. I had three essays due last month and I was granted extensions because of everything that was going on. I don't really know how well I'm doing in my courses because most of my professors haven't been updating the marks online but I'm not too worried. I have one more essay to write for politics. Then three essays and I'm done.

I've decided not to go to Ireland this summer. The plan was to work full time this month and go at the start of May. But I just sort of stopped thinking about it after I was fired. Yeah, I could have gotten another job but I decided to try to focus on school instead. I just feel like it's not the right time anymore. I want to work a lot and save up money instead of feeling guilty for not earning anything all summer. I'm sure I'll take mini-trips here and there.

On Saturday, I went with Hayley to Phil's, a really gross bar. I only went to see her and our friend Trish because it was her birthday. Before we left she said she didn't want to stay long because Trish's boyfriend Mike beat her up last weekend. Punched her in the nose and she went unconscious after hitting her head from falling back. Oh and did I mention they have a kid together? Just awful. It's hard knowing that she thinks it's okay, it was just a play fight that went too far. She's a really sweet person that deserves nothing but kindness. Turns out that Mike lives with Brandon, the guy from Alberta that I had the most awkward date with back in December. He was there and already pretty drunk. At one point we were standing beside each other and he just kept rambling on about the most pointless things. Hayley noticed that he kept staring at me. After a while we just went outside and never went back. Grabbed some little ceasar's and she slept over. Holy snoring! I was up till like 5 watching White Oleander. I forgot how good that movie is.

I spent most of the weekend with Kris. It was nice. And then to top it off, we had a talk on Tuesday and realized that we like each other. He's my best friend, and I haven't been more comfortable or open with another person before. So I can't really describe how happy I am right now. It's pretty awesome.

The Thrills - Midnight Choir

i'm down if you don't expect any more from me

My mom and I finally had our counseling appointment yesterday. I was a bit apprehensive about it since I had been waiting for two months so I was worried the things I wanted to say just wouldn't come out the same. We mostly talked about my dad and how much things have changed since he's been back. I don't think she understood my feelings about it and why we haven't spoken. She kept saying she just wanted us to be a family again. And I made it clear that I wasn't sure that could ever happen. Because it's not something we can go back to if we never had it in the first place. I said I wanted the three of us to get close again like we were when he was gone. I used the example of Christmas and how she was just focusing on her friend and not on us or trying to do the traditions we usually did. The counselor asked if we did them last year and if my dad would have interfered. I think that's when it hit my mom. It's always just been the three of us with him on the outside. We do our own thing and he goes on the computer or whatever. She's just been so focused on trying to fix their relationship that she's forgotten about us. We went over at lot in that hour and I was glad that I was able to say the things I wanted to without breaking down. I think I'm just more angry now than upset especially now that it's become habit after two months. I said that I couldn't just hang out with him and pretend that everything is okay. Basically the steps we agreed to take is that I have to be upstairs more and not just in my room by myself and she'll talk to me more and spend time with me and John. I can tell she's trying. I think it was a huge wake up call for her.

Cobra Starship - Keep it Simple