Friday, March 28, 2008

i'm down if you don't expect any more from me

My mom and I finally had our counseling appointment yesterday. I was a bit apprehensive about it since I had been waiting for two months so I was worried the things I wanted to say just wouldn't come out the same. We mostly talked about my dad and how much things have changed since he's been back. I don't think she understood my feelings about it and why we haven't spoken. She kept saying she just wanted us to be a family again. And I made it clear that I wasn't sure that could ever happen. Because it's not something we can go back to if we never had it in the first place. I said I wanted the three of us to get close again like we were when he was gone. I used the example of Christmas and how she was just focusing on her friend and not on us or trying to do the traditions we usually did. The counselor asked if we did them last year and if my dad would have interfered. I think that's when it hit my mom. It's always just been the three of us with him on the outside. We do our own thing and he goes on the computer or whatever. She's just been so focused on trying to fix their relationship that she's forgotten about us. We went over at lot in that hour and I was glad that I was able to say the things I wanted to without breaking down. I think I'm just more angry now than upset especially now that it's become habit after two months. I said that I couldn't just hang out with him and pretend that everything is okay. Basically the steps we agreed to take is that I have to be upstairs more and not just in my room by myself and she'll talk to me more and spend time with me and John. I can tell she's trying. I think it was a huge wake up call for her.

Cobra Starship - Keep it Simple

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

New hair! It's hard to get a good picture of it but basically it's short in the back with long bangs. I really, really like it. I was afraid to get my hair cut this short but I'm glad I went through with it.

but i know i'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

Not much happened for Easter. I got some money and a chocolate heart from Valentine's day (thanks, mom) and we went up to Toronto for lunch at my aunt Jacinta's place.
We went to Ireland Park by the harbour and airport.
I think this was supposed to be in the shape of a boat. The screens to explain the park weren't working.
That's my grandma in the background walking around the sculptures. These two french girls were walking through, just got off the plane, and obviously didn't understand what they were looking at. They started taking pictures of themselves imitating the statues. Who were obviously supposed to be depicting poor people, no shoes, begging for food, etc and they were laughing and having a great old time. Meanwhile my grandma is getting all emotional, as she always does when Ireland is brought up, and I seriously wanted to slap them.
These are the names they've recovered of people coming over in 1847. I found 'Mary McGregor' on the website.
It's officially been spring since Thursday but it's still snowing :(

Fiona Apple - Paper Bag

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

so I can see that look in your eyes the one that shoots me each and every time

We got a butt load of snow over the weekend! I don't think I've ever seen so much snow in my life.
I worked night shift and all night people were like "wow, I can't believe you're open" yeah me neither! I almost killed myself trying to get there. I got stuck coming out of my driveway. I got super frustrated and started screaming and having a freak out in my car. But the windows were all fogged up and I didn't notice there was these three random guys outside. They were like "hey, you're stuck?" and I'm like "I know, THANKS."
And then they helped me for a good 15 minutes to just get out of the driveway. They must have been drunk or something because they were really nice. Then I got stuck another three times because none of the roads were plowed either. We were only busy for an hour or so. Good thing I brought in my laptop so Rob, Tyler, Koby and I could watch Into the Wild in lobby.
We had the lights turned off for a while so people wouldn't come through drive-thru but then the snow plow lady came to do our parking lot and said our lights were off and I thought she would tell my owner so back on they went. After my shift I couldn't find my keys and had to call my parents in to get me. Turns out I had dropped them in the snow. It had to be that day of all days too.

I've been feeling sluggish and depressed lately so I still haven't finished my projects that were due yesterday. I got extensions but I just really don't want to do them. I'm sort of hoping that they'll magically go away. I'm more focused on my trip than getting through this semester.
Adele - Cold Shoulder

Friday, March 7, 2008

you think you want more than you need, until you have it all you won't be free

I went to the gym today with Nicole for the first time in about three weeks. We didn't have much of a workout it was more of a catching up sort of thing. On the way home I realized I had an hour and a half left to write my poverty quiz online so I scrambled to get that finished. I managed to pull off an 85%. I have a seven page report due on Tuesday that keep putting off. I got all of my midterms back and I actually did pretty well.
Art: 88%
Poverty: 88%
Politics: 74% (average was 64%!)
Psychopathology: 84%
Lifespan Processes: 85%
Some new stuff that I got. The Buddha Banks were from Nicole for Valentine's day and they're perfect!
I asked my mom today about the money that my grandma saved up for me for school. I was hoping to have some of it for the trip but she was just like "oh that went towards your car!" Kthanx for telling me.
I went to this local vegan store today and it was pretty amazing. I should have gone a long time ago. I also got falalfal mix with pitas and tzatki-like sauce and I'm so excited to make them! I'm pumped to leave mcdonald's. We had a manager's meeting the other day and I guess they're just throwing the concept of healthy out the window. This is what we're getting:

  • rid of delis
  • ciabatta sandwiches
  • cherry shake, pie, sundae
  • Angus burger to replace the Big Extra (720-860 calories)
  • McRib (gag! once we make them they're 'good' for TWO HOURS)
  • replacing the smaller ice cream cone with a larger one
  • rid of bacon ranch and oriental salads
  • Rolo and Kit Kat McFlurries
  • Cinnamon Rolls
  • iced coffee
You heard it here first people! Oh, I almost forgot to mention, that the deli station (as in the toaster, fridge, toaster oven) that they're getting rid of is worth $20,000. I almost choked on my chocolate easter eggs! That could pay for my tuition! And we used it for a whole two years!
I watched Into the Wild a few days ago with Kris and it was absolutely amazing. Everything was exactly right. It fits the mood that I'm feeling lately really perfectly.
Eddie Vedder - Society

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I think I've found my hostel to stay at.

Sunday, March 2, 2008


Never let someone allow you to be an option, when you consider them a priority.