I went on a DATE last night. My first one ever. And boy was it awful.

First things first, when I went to pick him up (ps. he doesn't even have his g1 yet) he sees me and smacks his forehead. Which could mean one of two things: what the fuck have I gotten myself into? Or damn, I forgot how hot she is. I haven't decided which one it is yet.

So I knew this guy before he moved out west but we lost touch. We were friends before and I always felt a connection there. I was thinking things were going to be good, no problem.

We went to Molly Bloom's because Karina was working and I thought she could ease the tension a bit. Plus she wanted to be a creeper and spy on me. BUT I forgot that she told me it was college night, meaning the place was packed full of 19 year-old preppy guys and girls dressed like they were at a night club for cheap wings and beer and some kind of contest to win $1000. Great.

It took a good 20 minutes for our waitress to come over. During this time, he proceeded to tell me how things ended with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. Basically he lived with this girl for a year and a half. She worked at a daycare and wanted to become a teacher (okay.. souns like me..). But then she started babysitting this 5 year old kid and spending the night at this guy's house. He let this happen for a month and a half while his suspicions grew. But didn't talk to her about it. Okay. I can see where this is heading. Then she asks him to come home and the father is there (who is 40) and tells him it's over. So they get into a fight and he trashes his van. The whole time I'm like "oh.. that blows. ...So that's why you wanted to leave then?" What the hell do you expect me to say to that!

By this time his wings and beer have come (awesome) along with my undercooked fries. Karina's shift was over and I was like "hey you should invite Josh in and stay a while!" kicking her under the table and texting Josh. Thank god they stayed overwise I don't know what would have happened.

So the guys were all into watching the hockey game and I basically talked to Karina and ignored him. I just wasn't feeling it at all. I wanted to leave really bad. The conversation was all about him and he didn't ask me any questions about me at all.

Oh wait, sorry. He did ask me one question on the drive home. "So, uh, when do you have school tomorrow?" Um, are you joking? I was like "well I don't start till 2:30. But I go until 10pm. So it's a loooong day!"

He could probably tell I wasn't feeling it at all. I pulled up beside the complex and (while keeping my hands on the steering wheel and the car running) said "well it was nice seeing you!" He didn't try to make a move thank god. I think if he tries seeing me again I'll tell him he's a nice guy but I don't want to be some rebound. He's obviously bitter and not over his girlfriend at all.

His text message half an hour later: Good time thanks.

I know you want to make him see how much this pain hurts but you've got to walk away now

I did a paper last week on the Palace of Versailles. I'm pretty fascinated by it and I would love to actually see it. I got 80% on it! Which is amazing in university terms haha so I'm pretty excited.

The big man himself, King Louis XIV
The Hall of Mirrors (click for 360 view)

The Streets - Dry your Eyes Mate

I cried tonight for the first time since my dad left. Although it wasn't totally about that. I'm so tired of being alone. And having assholes get what they want. I cried for my mom, who put up with so much and went above and beyond for him only to have him leave her for some girl online. I cried for Rebeca, who did everything right and had her boyfriend of almost four years leave her for a 16-year-old. For Evey, who finally opened up to a guy for the first time and he starting liking someone else. And I cried for me.
Why does this pattern keep reoccuring. Why are guys so insensitive and selfish. I am so tired of seeing movies and commercials where everything is so perfect. There is no fairy tale ending. Fuck you. Nice girls finish last.

maybe this year will be better than the last

John's sick
New painting for the dining room

Christmas presents for my Mom

Counting Crows - A Long December

i need some distraction, oh beautiful release

I'm watching City of Angels.They played this song at Tiff's funeral and it's impossible to hear it without thinking of her. I went to Mel's Diner with Kris and Grant last night. Grant had been fighting with Caitlyn over something or other and for a time I was glad to be single and not have to put up with the constant fighting and bickering. Kris and I went out to Old Navy after for their big sale and he bought a ton of clothes. I had a good time. He reminds me of the way Bobbie used to be.

This Christmas is going to be rough. Whenever I watch tv with my Mom it's constantly playing Christmas commercials over and over. With images of the perfect family and the perfect couple. She's been trying to keep herself busy with getting the decorations together but I know it's hard for her. I guess it's better than her lying in bed just thinking about things.

Sarah McLachlan - In the Arms of an Angel

if you're well off, then i'm happysome for you but i'd rather not celebrate my defeat and humiliation here with you

I am SO close to being done with this semester. I'm very excited. I've worked my ass off and I could really use a break. I wrote two papers this week and now my sleeping schedule is all thrown off. Hopefully it'll be worth it. I still have two assignments for social work, a bonus paper for social psych and then three exams to study for. I got an A+ on my social work midterm!

My brother went to his first dance tonight at school. I picked him up and he told me that he was break-dancing and they played 'Kane West' and that 'Soulja Boy song that everybody loves'. Good lord.

I am loving these pj's
My recent purchases! The sweater and shirt are from H&M.

The hat makes me look 5 but I don't care.

The movie is my first present for my friend Rob.

Our as-of-yet undecorated tree.

I can't figure out the night setting on this camera,

I hate how these lights look yellow.

Grumpy Mr. Joe

Poor Allie has an ear infection :(

I started talking to Evey and Bobbie again around the same time, which is odd. I called Evey yesterday because this guy that she had been seeing told her out of the blue that he liked another girl. I feel really bad because it's the first time that she has let herself get close to a guy and that's how he treats her. She said she's glad we're talking now. Bobbie needed help (what a surprise). He could have easily found answers to his university questions by calling them or through a guidance counselor. He was like I know I only go to you for help but... I'm glad that he's finally admitted that but at least he could try and make things right. It's annoying but I'm not going to let myself get caught up in that again.

I still haven't talked to Brandon yet since he's been here. I guess we just aren't online at the same times. And I called East Side Mario's about the job and she was like "I'm just heading off to a meeting to set up an orientation for the people we decide to hire. we're going to call those people later" I love how you tell me you're going to tell me the next day to let me know, and now it's been over a week.

Rilo Kiley - Capturing Moods

I just had the most vivid dream. I was shot into the future and the whole time I was trying to figure out things. I knew I was going to wake up soon from my nap. My mother had re-married and was living in a nice house. But there was only two bedrooms and there were beds everywhere. I looked into the mirror and I was crying and had gained a lot of weight. Then my dad appeared and told me to go pick up pizza. He gave me the keys to a green car but I couldn't find it. When I pressed unlocked it would unlock any car around, including ones with people in them. I managed to get into this monster gigantic car and was driving around aimlessly. I tried texting someone (on a super tiny cell phone) asking if I was married but I woke up.

And then this morning I dreamed I was apart of the Office! I wish! So I stole Pam's cell phone to try to get Jim's number. Then I was telling Jim the office should come over to my place on Saturday for a party. I was in Michael's car in the parking lot with him so he could drive me home. We looked over and Pam was getting into Jim's car and they kissed. I died a little inside. They saw us watching and did the signature Jim shrug. Michael drove me home but he was really depressed and not his usual self. Actually, no it was supposed to be to my second job (I can't believe I had a second job in my dream) that was just down the street. But he just kept driving and wouldn't stop. He was being super creepy so I told him he had to stop and let me out I didn't care where I was.

but now I'm gold

I didn't get much accomplished today or yesterday. Even when I get extensions for papers I still leave them until the last minute! Urgh. I WILL work on them tonight after this post. I went out for dinner tonight at Kelsey's with Hayley. She gave me this picture frame and it's pretty cute. I feel so boring compared to her sometimes! She's like out dating and having fun and always has these crazy stories. I feel like nothing exciting happens to me. Oh, and I'm not sure if I got the job- have to call back on Wednesday? I dunno, it's weird. I really hope I get it though.

Last night was the last episode of the Office for a while :( That makes me really sad. Who knows when it's going to come back on again! I understand why they're striking. But it sucks that it happens now that I actually watch TV.

Rilo Kiley - Silver Lining

I have to write a paper about whether or not Scientology is a religion. What do YOU think?

if you want better things, go ahead

The highlight of my day:

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

So the lady was supposed to call before 2 today to let me know about the job. No word yet. I hate waiting. But oh well, the office will cheer me up.

Rilo Kiley - Go Ahead

The graffiti written on the bathroom stalls at school made me smile:

"HUNGER MAKES ME A MODERN WOMAN."

"Well, call me old-fashioned and hand me a burger!"

Just as I was least expecting it- a boy and a job!
Well, hopefully.

I lied, I can't write today I'm sorry. I found out that I have two midterms tomorrow instead of just the one that I was preparing for. So I'm trying my hardest not to get screwed over. On the plus side, I got new socks and these pillows! Which is ever so exciting. But I got bored while listening to my lecture online so enjoy.



It's getting really uncomfortable to be around my mom. I don't know what to say. She cries ALL the time. It's so awkward. And then it's even worse because she thinks I'm mad at her. God I sound like a bitch. We just watch tv, and even then I cringe because all of these things are reminding her of him. Like the commercial for SCOTT paper towels. And how on the Simpsons tonight Milhouse's parents got back together and went on a cruise for their honeymoon. And then Homer tried to look in their wedding album. Fuck.

just let it happen

I had my first bar experience tonight with Hayley. Let's just say it wasn't as glamorous as I was expecting. More pictures later from the girl who took pictures every two seconds! I promise to post tomorrow about what's going on.


+44 - Lycanthrope

I am seriously not enjoying life at all right now. I need to make a huge post explaining everything but I can't. It will make it all too real. I can't deal with my mom and my brother. All I can do is watch tv but I have two midterms and two papers due next week that I haven't started. Life is like a bad OC re-run.

smile for me now

Matthew Good Concert - November 1/07 in Waterloo

Matt Good - The Devil's in your Details