you don't know it's right until it's wrong

I went into videoscene today to get Knocked Up and The 40-year Old Virgin. Bobbie cut his hair really short and it almost looks like he has a faux hawk. It's funny to think now that his hair was down to his shoulders when I met him. He looked scary skinny. Maybe it's just because he wears tighter clothes and capri-like jeans with his boxers sticking out.. I told him I wished he could see himself from other people's perspective. He doesn't consider me to be his friend (he says his only friends are Brooke and Karina). Which sucks because I sort of miss his friendship. I mean, I miss the intelligent conversations (whenever I try to talk to my Mom she just stares back at me and is totally unresponsive). And I say sort of because he seems to think friendship means bashing each other's lifestyles and being judgemental. I usually get really down on myself after we talk. He always asks what I'm doing with my life and why I don't have a boyfriend. He makes me feel inadequate and boring. I try to fight back but after a while I just give up. He said he realized that drinking all the time isn't productive and that he could be doing more meaningful things with his time. I looked at him increduously (but doubtfully because he tends to say these sorts of things very hypocritically) and said "I've waited a while to hear you say that" and he immediately shoots back with "you've wasted your teenage years and now you're so locked into your future that you can't afford to fuck up."
I drove home feeling empty. I was hoping my mom would be home so I could watch one of the movies with her and avoid crying but she wasn't. I really need a job to occupy my time and feel a sense of purpose.

Thursday is going to be an awesome TV night. Jim + Pam and George + Izzie all in one night?! It's almost too much for one to handle.


Josh Ritter - Come and Find Me